The Way I Am Now

October 1, 2023
In this follow-up to 2016's The Way I Used To Be, a high school senior comes to understand that surviving rape is only the first part; what comes next is hard, too. Eden is learning how to live after coming forward and publicly naming her rapist following three years of self-loathing and destructive behavior. In counseling, she's working to understand who she is now, while also maintaining relationships with friends who don't know what happened and family members who are dealing with guilt and anger in their own ways. Others' reactions often leave Eden feeling like her honesty was more burdensome than helpful. She awaits the trial and reconnects with Josh, the boy she loved even when she couldn't love herself and the only person outside her family who knew the truth. While Eden and Josh want love to be enough, both come with emotional baggage that must be dealt with before they can truly give themselves to each other. This emotional story about learning to take back control explores the fraught journey back to self for survivors and those who love them most. It is well paced and well executed and effectively shows how the legal system can make victims feel pressured and lonely. Readers need to be familiar with the first volume to fully understand this one. Main characters are cued white. Highlights with painful honesty the process of moving forward following trauma. (author's note) (Fiction. 14-18)

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November 1, 2023
Grades 9-12 In this sequel to The Way I Used to Be (2016), about three years have passed since Eden's brother's best friend raped her. She is finishing high school online and is trying to achieve a sense of normalcy. Then she runs into Josh, a former boyfriend. Even though they separated, they still have feelings for each other, and the novel, told in alternating first-person present chapters, captures the delicate approach they take to rekindle their relationship. Each struggles with their own issues: Eden faces her rapist's hearing and trial while healing herself from her previous self-destructive behavior after the rape, while Josh struggles with his father's fragile sobriety. The love story is appealing, and the side characters are supportive without enabling their friends' personal struggles. Since the first book was published seven years ago, enough time has passed that that backstory can be difficult and distracting to piece together, so potential readers should be steered toward the first book when possible to enhance their understanding of the sequel.

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